the criminal admitted the motive
I received contact from the prosecutor, and I went to his office.
Thankfully, the meeting was started from 6 pm after finished my work
He said, the criminal finally admitted that the motive for the attack was for sexual purpose.
That means I don’t need to attend the trial!
I was so relieved.
Because the trial system was Citizen Judge System.
I actually really did not want to talk about in front of many strangers.
The prosecutor said the lawyer pursued the criminal to admit the motive to not to put more burden to the victim.
It was so grateful.
Yes she is my side.
Even though she is a lawyer, she can understand deeply about the victims and can act for them.
Because the criminal admitted the motive, the investigation at the prosecution completed quickly.
What should I do was only wait for the trail.
So I decided to write a letter to the criminal.
I don’t mean to forgive him.
I just wanted to let him know that
What you sow is what you get.
So prepare for the hell.
Face what you did and reform yourself.
If you don’t love yourself, do thing that you will be able to love.
Do not attack people, try to be loved by people.
The contents was like above.
Maybe this is just for self-satisfaction and hypocrisy.
The criminal might not understand anything about what I want to say.
Write or not.
I asked myself again and again.
It’s insane to write a letter to the man who attacked me.
My people might think so.
But I wanted to let him know that “what you sow is what you get”.
You choose to attack woman at midnight.
The victims had the most scary night in their life because of you.
So same amount of hell that you gave to the victims is waiting for you in the future.
I just wanted him to know it.
I finally wrote the letter and gave it to the lawyer.
********************************
検事から連絡があり、面談する事になった
私の仕事に合わせて、夕方からの面談にしてくれた
検事との面談で、犯人がわいせつ目的だった、と動機をようやく認めたと聞いた
これで裁判に出なくてもよくなったという事になる
心が随分と軽くなった
やはり人前で話すのは嫌だった
しかも今回の裁判は裁判員裁判と聞いていたから、なおさらだった
検事いわく、弁護士が被害者にこれ以上負担をかけないためにも動機を認めた方がいい、と犯人を説得してくれたそうだ
ありがたかった
やっぱり同じ女性
弁護士とは言え、被害者の立場に立って行動してくれる素晴らしい弁護士さんなのだ
素直に感謝した
犯人が動機を認めた事で、検察での聴取も無事終わり、
後は裁判の開始を待つのみとなった
裁判に出なくてもよくなった事で少し余裕が出た私は、
犯人に手紙の返事を書くことにした
許す気はない
自分がやった事は必ず自分に返ってくる
だから覚悟してほしい
自分の罪を見つめて更正して欲しい
自分を愛せないなら、愛せる様に努力して欲しい
人を襲うのではなく、愛される様に努力して欲しい
そんな内容だった
これは偽善的な行為なのかもしれない
相手にとっては絵空事なのかもしれない
相手の心には一切届かないかもしれない
書くべきか否か
自問自答を何度もした
犯人に手紙を書くなんて、どうかしてる
人に話したらきっとそう言われるだろうと思った
でも犯人に因果応報を教えたかった
自分がした事は必ず自分に返ってくる
夜中に人を襲う選択をしたお前には
女性に人生で1番怖い思いをさせたお前には
必ずそれ相当の地獄が待っている
そう知って欲しかったのだ
手紙を書き終え、弁護士との面談の日を待った
the day I met the lawyer
The female lawyer called me immediately.
She was so polite to me.
She said,
“I deeply apologize you for this matter. ”
She was like the criminal’s family or something.
“His parents are saying that they really want to meet you and apologize to you.”
I said “No.”
I really don’t think they need to say sorry to me.
Because I thought if I saw them, I might pity them, and I thought that the parent responsibility for the man who is over 20 years old is questionable.
And the lawyer said, she wants to give me a letter written by the criminal.
So I decided to meet her.
The day I will meet the lawyer,
I searched the lawyer’s office in my town.
And I realized that there are pretty many lawyer office in my town.
I did not know it because my life was not related to this world until just before.
My first impression for her was not special at all, she was ordinary lady, might be younger than me.
She was so polite to me and seemed sympathizing me from the bottom of her heart.
She said that she is afraid of the criminal’s resentment by being in charge of this case
And she also said emotionally that she feels anger against her office for why she was nominated as the criminals lawyer.
She was full of human warmth.
I have opened my heart to the lawyer naturally.
We talked about the payment and I said that I leave everything to you.
The average payment for the sexual crime is about 200,000 yen.
I get the price from Google.
If I got that amount payment, I thought I will be able to feel better.
At the last, she gave the letter to me saying,
“I know that you feel sick having the letter. After you read it you can throw it away.”
I read the letter at the office.
The letter was written by letters like a child, and the contents was too formal apology that nobody would not use normally.
I thought the criminal was made to write the letter by the lawyer using some templates.
I was sure that the criminal has not felt sorry like this letter at all.
The man will do same thing after got out from a jail.
I felt so.
My name will be disclosed to the criminal.
I might become a target of the criminal’s revenge someday.
The other two victims also suing the criminal.
One of them is same as my case of crime but only my case the man still denying the motive.
That means I have the key.
If I attended the trail, his revenge target would be me.
But, that’s why, I have to do that.
I gotta let the man go down.
The crime was escalating in a short period of time
The man will do same thing if the prison term was short.
Then the man may make a new victim over and over.
The victim might be hurt more.
I gotta do this.
I am the oldest of the 3 victims.
By some fatality, this became my role.
So I should do this.
My feeling was like that.
I got the disgusting letter and set the date of payment.
And I left the lawyer’s office.
弁護士から早速電話が来た
女性の弁護士だ
ものすごく低姿勢な印象だった
この度は大変ご迷惑をおかけしまして、申し訳ありません
まるで犯人の身内か何かのような物言いだ
犯人の両親が私に会ってお詫びしたいと言っているので、是非とも会って頂きたい
と言う
犯人の両親に会う必要は無いと思った
その親に同情してしまうと思ったし、２０歳過ぎた男の犯行に親の責任は問えないと思ったからだ
すると弁護士は犯人から手紙を預かったのでそれを渡したいと言った
私は弁護士と会うことにした
弁護士との初対面の日が来た
Googleで弁護士事務所を検索し、私の市に結構あるんだと気付いた
今まで裁判と無関係な人生だったから気付かなかったな
その弁護士の印象は、普通の何処にでも居そうな地味な女性という感じ、私より歳が若いか
物腰がとても柔らかく、
心の底から被害者の私に同情している風だった
彼女自身にも娘がおり、この事件の担当になった事で犯人から逆恨みされるのが怖い
被告人に会ったが、ものすごく気持ち悪い印象で、反省している様にも見えない
なぜ、私がこんな事件の担当弁護士に指名されたのか、事務所に対して恨む気持ちすらある、と感情的に言った
とても人情味溢れる対応だ
私はすっかりその弁護士に心を開いていた
慰謝料の話になり、金額はお任せということになった
相場は20万くらいだとネットに載っていた
そのくらい貰えれば、少しは気が晴れるかなと思った
弁護士は最後に私に犯人が書いた手紙を渡した
「こんな手紙渡されても気持ち悪いですよね。読んだら捨ててもらっても構いませんので。」
私は受け取り、その場で読んだ
普段使わないような堅苦しいお詫びの文章を、子供のような字で書いてあった
きっとこの弁護士に言われて、何かのテンプレートを参考にして書いたんだろう
犯人が自分で書いた内容は一つも書いていないという印象だ
こいつは反省などしていない
出てきたら必ずまたやる
そう感じた
訴える事で私の本名が犯人に明かされる
逆恨みされるかもしれない
一緒に訴えている他の2人の被害者のうち、1人は私と同じ、強制わいせつ致傷だが、
犯人は私だけ動機を否認している
要はカギを握っているのは私なのだ
裁判に出て証言する事になれば、犯人が1番恨むのは私になるだろう
でも、だからこそ
ヤツをこの手でぶち込んでやる
犯行はエスカレートしてきていた
しかも短期間でめまぐるしく
短い刑期で出てきたら、またやる
新たな被害者が出る
その人はきっともっと酷い目に遭うだろう
私がやらないといけない
被害者の中で最年長だし、なんの因果か私にお鉢が回ってきたのだ
だから私が頑張んなきゃ…
やるしかない、そんな気持ちだった
その気持ち悪い手紙を受け取り、慰謝料を受け取る日を決め、
弁護士との初面談を終えた
met the counsel for the prosecution
I met the counsel for the prosecution for the first time in my life.
His looks was extraordinary.
His appearance was like an evil rather than a man for justice.
Skinhead (bold) and sharp-eyed, tall and macho.
He was more like a Japanese Yakuza than the counsel for the prosecution.
His age is about 50.
He looks like yakuza but so polite to me.
He said,
“The man the criminal haven’t felt bad about what he did to you. He haven’t took it seriously. That kind of man will do some things after coming out from a prison. So I have to put him in prison as long as I could. Since he still has denied the motive, you and the witness woman also might need to attend the trial. I will support you as much as I can. So let’s prepare and do the best for it together.”
The witness woman also seem to be heard by the prosecutors.
Accidently she was just there the day and the time.
I think that I am making her big trouble.
I have decided to thank her face to face after the trial completed.
At the trial, the witness will be hidden by a partition. So that the criminal cannot see the witness.
My name will be disclosed to the criminal, but the face and address is never be disclosed.
It’s very scary to let him know my name but in Japanese low, it is necessary.
The meeting with the prosecutor has begun.
I had to explain what did at police, again.
It has been several months, so my memory was unclear.
I felt bad when I had to explain about how the criminal touched me.
I didn’t get used to it.
I had to explain the details like how or how many or where.
I know I should but feel bad is feel bad.
I didn’t enjoy it at all.
People might think like “Grow up. How old are you?”.
But the age doesn’t matter.
The teenager, 20th, 30th doesn’t matter.
Everybody feels bad.
The shock when you touched the private part without any permission is absolutely shocking thing.
Instinctively shocking thing I think.
But I have to share the memory with the others.
I felt so uneasy to do it.
I didn’t want to share it with my female friends too.
I couldn’t tell all to my family either.
The prosecutors said,
“The criminal’s lawyer is saying that she wants to meet you. Can I tell your phone number to her? Might be she needs to talk about the payment for pain and suffering. You have a legal right to get the payment and also sue the criminal.”
Get the payment and also sue the criminal.
I didn’t know that a victim can do the both.
I thought when I got money was only when I settled.
In the case of sexual crime, the most of victims are settled without the suing.
But I am not the one of them.
If I can get the payment, I get it and also sue the criminal.
Give the double punishments to the criminal.
That sounds a great idea. I thought.
I said to the prosecutor.
“I understand. You can tell her my number.”
The first meeting with the prosecutor took about 2 hours.
*****************************************
担当検事が決まり、人生で初めて検事という職業の人に会った
まず見た目に度肝を抜かれた
正義の味方というより悪の権化の様な風貌だ
（ハゲてるから）スキンヘッドでキリリと鋭い眼光、
背が高くガッチリ体型
検事というより、ヤクザの幹部という感じだ
年齢は50代くらい
口調もオラオラ系だったが、
要所要所でものすごく気遣いを感じる
検事は、こう言った
「犯人の男、反省なんかしとらんな ナメとる。ああゆう奴は出所して再犯するタイプだ。 出来るだけ長く入ってもらわんといかん。犯人が動機を否認したままなので、あなたや目撃者の方にも裁判に出てもらう事になると思います。全力でサポートしますので、覚悟決めて頑張りましょう」
事件後に車で保護してくれた女性も、検察で検事に聴取されるらしい
偶然あの日あの場所であの時間に居合わせただけなのに
彼女には大変な迷惑をかけしている気がして心苦しかった
裁判が無事終わったら、何かの形でお礼しようと決めた
裁判では、証言者はつい立てで囲われ、犯人からは顔が見えない
私の本名は犯人に明かされるが、顔や住所等その他の情報は絶対に明かされない
本名が明かされるのが不安だが、名前だけは明かさないといけないらしい
検事との面談が始まった
警察で聞かれた事を、１からまた検事に説明する
事件後数ヶ月が経っているので、記憶もかなり曖昧になっていて苦労した
体を触られた時の話をするのは何回やっても本当に嫌だった、
どこを何回、どういう風に、と細かく言わなければならない
検事が気遣ってくれてるのは感じるが、嫌なもんは嫌だ
いい歳して何を言ってるんだ
と思われる方もいるかもしれない
でもその気持ちに、年齢は関係ないと思う
経験値も関係ない
10代でも20代でも30代でも嫌なものは嫌だ
自分のプライベートな箇所を無理矢理触られたショックは、
無条件にキツイと感じた
本能的にキツイんだと思う
それを他人と情報共有しなければならない違和感は半端なかった
相手が男ならなおさら嫌だが
女友達に対しても言いづらい
家族にはぼかして伝えるのが限度だった
検事は言った
「相手の弁護士があなたに連絡を取りたがっているので、連絡先を教えてもいいですか？おそらく慰謝料の話だと思います。示談はせず、慰謝料を受け取り、そして告訴するという権利があなたにはありますから」
訴えるし、慰謝料も貰う
そういう事も出来るのか…正直驚いた
お金をもらう時は示談する時だけかと思っていた
性犯罪の場合、示談で済ます被害者が多いと聞く
だけど私は示談などする気はハナから無かった
もし慰謝料が貰えるなら、そのお金を受け取り、その上で告訴する
犯人に二重の罰を与える
それはとても良い考えだと思った
「わかりました。弁護士さんに連絡先を教えてもらっても大丈夫です」
検事にそう伝えた
検事との初めての面談は2時間程度で終わり、続きはまた後日という事になった
medical certificates
Because the man denied the motives as sexual purpose, police wanted to collect more effective evidences for the trial before sending to the Public Prosecutor’s Office.
Police said that I and the woman driver also might need to attend the trial if the criminal didn’t admit as sexual purpose until the trial day.
The criminal’s DNA and the DNA from my clothing have already matched so, it can prove that the criminal actually touched me the day.
However, if the criminal said like he touched by accident, the evidence will lose the effects.
We need more effective evidences to prove that the man did despicable crime objectively.
“Objectively” is the point.
In addition to the testimony of the parties, the testimony of the doctor who saw the state of injury or the witness who passed the street on the day becomes a very effective evidences.
The witness of woman was very helpful and she said that she doesn’t mind to attend the trial as the witness.
In addition to the testimony, we needed the medical certificates.
So I went to the hospital which I was diagnosed as Cervical sprain to ask the doctor to write the medical certificates.
As I said earlier, I said to the doctor, I got injured by bicycle accident.
Because I didn’t think that the criminal would be arrested and also the medical fee would be out of insurance coverage.
So I told truth to the doctor and asked for the medical certificates.
And he said,
“I can write the certificate but, I diagnosed you only once and you haven’t come back since the day. So I can only write it as Neck injury one week to complete cure. ”
Actually, my neck was sore for 2 weeks.
I have a sharp headache sometimes.
My elbow is still sore when it touches something.
I explained the situation to the doctor and ask him to write the certificate as 2 weeks to cure.
But the doctor said,
“I diagnosed you only once and you haven’t come back since the day. X-ray result was no problem. So I cannot change my diagnostic contents by believing what you said about your situation now.”
I know that he is right as doctor.
But he could say little more cared.
He must be dealing with people who try to trick something or get something with wrong medical certificates every day.
But I am not the kind of people.
I just had to proof what happened the day.
As the result, I treated that doctor so coldly.
What was this?
I was about to cry but I really needed the medical certificates, so begged him.
He wrote [ 1 week to cure ] medical certificates.
The certificates cost 5000 yen.
I cried on the way home.
I wasn’t sad, I was mortified, and angry.
I couldn’t control my anger.
I am using such a time, energy and money to just drop the criminal into hell.
I am so frustrated and exhausted.
How many times should I cry?
To sue a man is so tough thing.
I might not overcome with not just any fighting spirit.
I have to stand up for myself and overcome by myself.
If you become a victim.
Please say the truth to a doctor to not to cry like me in the future.
犯人が動機（わいせつ目的）を否定していたので、警察は送検する前に、裁判で有効になる材料を揃えたがった
動機を否認したまま送検されたら、
裁判で私や目撃者が出廷し、証言する必要が出てくるかもしれないと言われた
あの日、男に触られた箇所から採取した皮膚片と、犯人のDNAが一致していたので
股間を男が触った事実は立証できている
しかし、犯人が偶然触ってしまったと言えばそれで片付いてしまう
犯行は卑劣な物であったことを客観的に証明する材料がもっと必要だった
客観的にというのがポイントだ
当事者の証言に加え、怪我の状態を見た医者や、事件の日に通りがかった目撃者の証言がとても有効な証言になる
目撃者の女性は大変協力的で、裁判に出廷しても構わないと言ってくれてる
それに加え、病院の診断書を提出して欲しいと警察に言われたので、ムチウチを診てくれた医者に診断書を書いてもらうよう頼みに行った
その病院で事件後に診てもらった時は、犯人が捕まるとは思ってなかったし、警察沙汰の怪我だと保険が適用されないという事もあって、自転車で転んだとウソをついて診断してもらっていた
診てくれた医者に、事情を話し診断書を書いて欲しいと言ったら、その医者が言った
「診断書を書くのはいいですが、1度来たきりで、その後は来られてないですし、全治１週間のムチウチとしか書けませんよ」
実際のところは、2週間ほど首は痛かったし
たまに感じる鋭い頭痛もあった
強く打った肘は、何かに触れるとまだ痛かった
その状況を説明して、全治2週間と書いて欲しいと頼んだが、その医者は冷たくこう言い放った
「私はあなたを1回しか診ていないし、その後の怪我の回復具合を診ていない。レントゲンにも異常はない。今あなたが言われている体の不調は、あなたが言ってるだけで、それを信じて診断内容を変える事は出来ない」
この医者の言ってる事は、間違ってないと思う
でも言い方があると思う
この医者は、
診断書を盛って、何かをだましたり搾取しようとする人間ばかりを日々相手にしているのだろう
でも私は違うのに
被害に遭い、犯人に動機を否認され、すがる思いでココに来た
結果、医者に疑われて冷たくあしらわれた
なんだこれ
それでも診断書がどうしても欲しかったので
泣きたい気持ちを我慢して、お願いした
その医者は「全治１週間」の診断書を書いた
診断書一枚の費用は、五千円だった
病院の帰り、車で泣いた
悲しいのではない
悔しかった
何処にもぶつけようのない怒りがわいてきた
あの男を地獄に落とすため、
時間や労力、そしてお金をつかっている
気持ちはこんなにも疲弊している
何回泣けばいいのか
人を1人訴えるのは、こんなにも大変な事なんだ
そんじょそこらの気合いでは乗り越えられないのかもしれない
この気持ちを真に理解して支えてくれる人はいない
自分で立って、自分で乗り越えないといけないんだ
被害者になってしまったあなた、
病院にかかる時は是非真実を話して受診して欲しい
ウソをつくと後で面倒な事になって、泣くことになるかもしれないから
被害者になってしまったあなた、
病院にかかる時は是非真実を話して受診して欲しい
ウソをつくと後で面倒な事になって、泣くことになるかもしれないから
the man has denied the motives
This is the man who attacked you.
Police showed me a picture of the man.
There was a young man who has no special feature but not positive impression on the picture.
The man may has no big happiness, no fame, no money, no talent.
That’s why he did such a thing, I thought.
But the criminal had a wife.
No kids, fortunately.
But they must have just got married.
He is still young.
The man left his wife at the middle of the night and wore the mask and attacked a woman.
The wife also like a victim.
According to the police, the man attacked 3 women including me.
The first was teenager, the second was 20th.
Both of them filed the damage reports to police.
The man was surfaced and marked as a suspect as the investigation progressed by the police.
It seems that the content of the man's crime was escalated as he followed the round.
And police continued,
“Actually for only your case, the man has denied the motives as sexual purposes.”
What do you mean?
“The man attacked you but he said when he saw you, he lost the urge.”
Lost the urge????
What does is mean?
I will KILL the man.
I definitely kill the man.
Police continued,
“I guess he chickened out. Because the man has been charged with previous 2 cases already. Because the weight of punishment will change if it is just a wound or a compulsive indecent wound.”
“The man screwing around with us. We should make him falling down to Hell. Let’s do it.”
“Yes, Sir!!!!!” I answered.
There was no weak victim anymore.
I DO NOT forgive the man.
Absolutely NOT.
What kind of man can say “lost the urge” to a woman?
Who do you think you are??
I will make him down.
I have decided.
The day, anger turned into a power.
Police found the man
A few month later, my wound of the day has been healed and getting used to the new life.
I got a phone call from police.
“We identified a man who seems to be the criminal. We have not yet arrested, but when we heard from the man, he admitted that he attacked you at the part that day.”
That was unexpected thing to me.
They found the man.
Japanese police do such a great job!!
“The man lives in A city.”
It was the next city.
Even the man lives in the next city, the man came to attack woman at the middle of the night.
The deciding factor to identify the criminal was the image of monitor camera at convenience store.
The day, the man was at the store that is on the big street near the park.
The man parked his car at the store and when he found a woman riding a bicycle alone, followed her.
After a while, the man backed to the store.
The camera shows me riding a bicycle alone and the man followed me.
The man was spreading a net at the store.
The prior woman was inconvenient for the man.
The man failed to attach her and back to the store.
Then I passed through the store alone, and went to the park.
It was a premeditated crime.
Now I remember.
There was a car that follows me so slowly.
When l looked back the car, the car passes me through and went to the park.
The car.
The masked man was in the car……!!!
No doubt.
And the man parked the car at the park.
And the man had been hiding and précising the timing to attack me.
I got more scared that there is a man who attacks women like that.
Police continued,
“When we arrested the man, we gotta ask you to cooperate with us for the trial.”
What I need to do for the trial…
Police found the man….
Unexpected developments made me unstable again and I had a nightmare the night.
Changes from the day
I had to go to the police station 3 times after the day.
Every time I went, I had to remind what happened the day.
At the night, I became unstable.
Changes after the day;
- have to check the keys have really locked
- night became scary
- strangers on the street became scary
- have a nightmare a lot
I was at my parents’ house.
But I was getting annoyed by them.
It was just normal conversation to them but it annoyed me.
I had no space to care about them.
I also lost my boyfriend on the day.
I trusted him and he was my best friend also.
But after the day, my trust for him disappeared.
We broke up on LINE
He wanted to meet me for the last.
But I refused.
It was the biggest revenge I could do to him.
On the day, my body and heart also got bruised.
My heart got bruised by heart break too.
It was secret love but it was love to me.
I got so worn out.
And did not want to stay with somebody.
I just wanted to be alone.
Did not want to pretend I am OK, or did not want to be worried.
Just want to be alone.
I decided to move out.
One month later, I moved out from my parents’ home.
I was so relieved that I don’t have to pretend anymore.
I had people who cares and understands me but nobody truly can cure my feelings instead of me.
I have to stand up by myself with bruised body and heart.
